Sjolander Road Fellowship

Declaring the God of Unconditional Love

the daily challenge of consistency




I struggle with constant inconsistencies in my own life. Despite a mental ascent to professed beliefs, I find myself continually thinking thoughts and reacting in ways which essentially deny or reject my profession. After noting the adverse effects of judging and condemning, I see my mind engaging in that very thing. Despite recognizing the fearful ways we humans embrace and react to fear, I wallow routinely in all kinds of fears and worries, often turning blessings into curses by agonizing over the possibility of their loss. It's both frustrating and a ready excuse to self flagellate, another common human habit, especially among the religiously minded.


I sometimes take some comfort in my fears by noting that even Jesus seemed to let his emotions get away from him on occasion, the Garden of Gethsemane for instance. I suspect that God is neither surprised nor offended by our emotional outbursts. Logically, our emotion make-up, to a large extent, is God given, or at least genetically based which is perhaps the same thing. Even the human ego, which drives us toward the pursuit of self interest and tends to minimize the interests of others, must be the product of how we are made. Obviously, self preservation, which is self interest at its most basic, is essential before we can do or be anything of consequence. Therefore, the ego is essential to some extent. The problem with the ego is probably letting it demand and control too much of our life.


As part of my struggle with consistency I find that I  at least am developing the habit of mentally challenge some of my inconsistent thoughts and actions. To the extent that new beliefs prompt me to question and redirect my spontaneous mental and physical reactions to various life situations, I think I have actually taken an important step forward. In the past, I would not have even considered whether some judgmental, vindictive, or fear induced thought was destructive to me and my spiritual well-being. Now, at least, I often find that I catch myself mentally, and this small change means that maybe I can anticipate a better attitude and more consistency in the future. That is certainly my hope.